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My mom labors under a few misconceptions, the first being that I am religious, and the second one being that I’m not only religious, but Catholic. This is demonstrated by the fact that when my brothers and I turned 18, we were given Saint Christopher medals that we are expected to wear. Saint Christopher is the patron of travelers and children. I am not sure why Mom picked this saint, but I am guessing she still likes to think of me as her baby.

Over the years, I have moved to an archangel—Saint Michael—because he is the patron saint of bankers and tax collectors. I also like the fact that he is known as the archangel who cast Satan from heaven. I like to think of him as God’s bouncer. I think that would make him a better “cooler” than both Dalton and Garrett from Roadhouse combined.

 Since my older brother lost his original gold Saint Christopher in a bar fight in Spain, my mom downgraded me to a medal cast in silver. What limited jewelry I now own is sterling. A few years back, I moved to a cross on a heavy sterling silver chain. I have worn one of these medals every day for the last 26 years.

I was getting out of the shower about 3 weeks ago, and while standing in the mirror shaving, I noticed my necklace looked really dark. Upon closer examination, I discovered it was severely tarnished. It looked like the ends of the cross had been burned and the chain also looked really black. I don’t remember that ever happening in the past. I found the silver polish and got it shined back up to looking normal. I thought it was strange, but didn’t give it much more thought.

About a week later, I discovered the necklace was again tarnished. I cleaned it again, but was now intrigued. I went on-line to the world wide interweb and asked the question, “Why is my necklace getting tarnished with wear?” I found a number of answers stating that the medal was cheap and plated. I know that isn’t the case. I am sure the chain and cross are Sterling. The other answer I found was that some people’s bodies react and tarnish medal due to PH levels. Maybe my body chemistry has changed? My doctor did tell me at one point that my system has gone through a pretty big shift. At least that’s how she explained my loss of balance.

I also got to wondering, what other changes are in store for me? I have read enough comics to know that some event leads the ordinary man to acquire super powers. It could be Peter Parker’s radioactive spider bite that turned him into Spiderman; it starts out with him noticing slight changes, like the quickness of a hand catching a bottle falling off the table or a fall that should injure him but leaves him unscathed.

Maybe that’s what happening to me. Maybe this is the first indication of a superpower. I mentioned this theory to a friend of mine, and he asked me if I noticed any other changes. Perhaps I was starting to grow a tail? That would be a big indication of changes. It would be just my luck, my superpower would be me de-evolving into Monkey Boy. I would be really good at climbing and have crazy strength. I am sure what else that would buy me, maybe a great job at the circus.

If these changes are due to my dieting over the last four years, I am guessing I will become the Incredible Shrinking Man. I will have to add the “Incredible” because I don’t need women referring to me a the “shrinking man” I am fairly sure my ego would not deal with that very well. I would rather be Monkey Boy. Maybe I can look forward to a superpower of walking under doors or picking locks from the inside. I will have to start dodging cats. Maybe I should really start being nicer to my cats now.

The only thing I need to decide is whether I want to be the Evil Genius or a superhero. Seems to me the Evil Genius has more fun, but never seems to get to win. Maybe I will go in between; I will use my powers for good with and occasionally delve on the dark side for personal gain. I mean, who would blame the Monkey Boy?



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