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My mood lately has been less than stellar. I think “The Band” summarized my current state of mind when they sang, “I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin’ about half past dead.” I am beyond burned out. I thought my recent trip to my hometown for some rest and relaxation would be what I needed to recharge my flux capacitor, but on the first day, my cell phone was stolen and I was stressed and pissed off the entire weekend. I came home more stressed that when I left. I have been dragging myself to the gym this week in an effort to shake my funky mood. So far, it hasn’t been helping.

I decided I needed to do a personal inventory and assess my current status. So, let’s see. My overall physical well-being is at 62%. I am sore and, overall, tired. My personal well-being is at 57%, up today from a low of 52% because a busty sales person flirted with me. (I find that interactions with any busty woman will spike my personal feeling of well-being no matter what.) Mental fortitude and overall motivation is currently at 31%.  

This last category is what troubles me most. I am starting to wonder why I am putting myself though all this pain and misery. I am really working on fighting that negative thought spiral and focusing on the positive. I was wondering what got me started on this negative trend. I think it goes back to my doctor’s visit a few weeks ago. I was under the impression that I was within 10 pounds of my final goal weight of 225 pounds. My doctor then told me (without me asking) that I should be at 198 pounds for my height. This put me back into several more months of this grind before I can slow down and get into a maintenance program.

When I was on the way to the gym tonight for my second workout of the day, I was thinking that I am lucky to have a set routine. I was headed for when equates to an hour of pain from my workout without really having to think about it. I don’t think I could have skipped it if I wanted to, because the habit is so strong. That’s when I had an epiphany. (Good word, epiphany, especially for a guy with my skoolin’.) The fact struck me that I have this habit, and it’s what will carry me through the times I don’t want to be there. It will carry me through the times I don’t want to be focused on the weight issues, and when I want to cheat and pig out. This is not the first time I have reached burnout, and the habit is what is saving me. I just need to keep my head down and keep gunning for the finish line…one day at a time.

Overall motivation back up to 51%, and that’s enough for now. Sometimes that 1% makes all the difference in winning and losing.

Paulie

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One Comment

  1. Hmmmm, I must say I can relate. First with my Wii, which I use to work out and weigh every day. Having lost 40 pounds last year and unable to lose my last 10, it won’t let me stop setting goals until I hit a BMI of exactly 22. It’s been a year and I seem unable to do that, and I still look like I gave birth just yesterday (my son is 20). I am in a similar funk about it right now, which I am personally blaming on the fact that we can’t seem to get a decent stretch of sun going. Frick.
    Hang in there dude!


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