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I have heard many times that there are no stupid questions. Maybe I just run with a different crowd, but I am convinced that there are actually some pretty stupid questions being queried.

I went in for a surgery consultation last week. I had made the appointment several weeks ago, and was supposed to complete the medical documents prior to my appointment and turn them in when I checked in for the consultation. With all the house cleaning we have done in the last few weeks, the documents either got lost or tossed out. So, I went into the doctors office a few days before my appointment to pick up a new set of documents.

I went to the building (which happens to have the only aerial tram in Portland attached to it), found the office on the building directory, moved up the stairs and located the office. I went up to the receptionist and waited until she completed her phone call. I told her I had an appointment in two days with the doctor, and needed a set of the new patient documents. She asked me my name and confirmed the appointment. She then reached into a drawer, pulled out a packet for new patients, and handed it over. That’s when she asked me the question that gave me pause. She asked me (all the while looking into my baby brown eyes), if I needed directions to the office. I told her I thought the appointment was in that office. She said yes, it was, and did I need directions to get there?

I am not sure what she was thinking. Was she so used to asking that question to people on the phone that she just hit the repeat button in her brain? Still not sure I heard the question correctly, I said, you mean to get here? She nodded her head and said she wanted to be sure I could find the office again. I told her I had the coordinates and was sure Mr. Spock could beam me over again the next day without any problems. She looked at me like Bambi in the headlights and said thank you. I am fairly sure she didn’t listen to a word I said.

While I am on the subject of stupid, I have something else to relate. Northern Oregon is dark for 9 months out of the year before 6 AM. It’s also cold, meaning foggy windows, and it tends to rain here A LOT! All this adds up to poor visibility when driving early in the morning. I want to tell everyone that chooses to go jogging at 4:45 in the morning…STAY OFF THE *&$#^%$ STREET! My little city has big, wide, smooth sidewalks as well as running trails, green spaces, city parks and bike lanes. There is absolutely no reason to run in the street. I appreciate their belief in my abilities as a defensive driver, but if my daughter played in traffic, she would be grounded. Every day, I see these folks running in their little ninja outfits playing chicken with 4000 pounds of Detroit steel and I wonder how they could be so stupid. I know they have the right to be in the street, but is it going to make them feel better when they are confined to a wheelchair knowing they were in the right? Hey, here’s an idea, go to the YMCA and run on the nice, dry, flat, indoor track.

Lastly, I want to tell the security guard at IKEA that it’s an entrance that doubles as an exit. We really don’t need to go clear to the other end of the store to exit the building. Trying to stop customers before we go out the entrance is only going to irritate us into not coming back. I know that it’s probably store policy to herd people past the Swedish meatballs and other impulse items, but is the real crime going out the door marked “In”? Take a breath, Barney Fife, and relax. You are still going to get your paycheck.

No stupid questions? I beg to differ.

Paulie

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